It’s true! Men is know by the company he keeps… same is the case here. Today, I’m going to write a confession post of a partner who understood how gradually couples start to shout and yell at each other. And why you are taken for granted over a certain period of marriage.
Especially during this phase of lockdown the vent outs have increased further. There is confinement, work stress, distressed news updates and anxious thoughts about future.
But when I look back at our table talks with friends I see that it had become usual sight that couples sit and complain/pass subtle insults about each other in front of friends though it is casual but it is socially accepted now. Jokes are cracked and now this whole scenario of husband and wife tiffs have become a content of regular mainstream jokes.
It’s just okay if one yells at other and other is poking for one task or other. But have you (couples) ever paused and thought… do you like it? Do you loose your cool when being provoked/poked or this thought never came to you that why we loose our cool most of the times.
I sat down overnight to rewind my marriage of over a decade and brought few points that were worth addressing. Every moment was noted and analysed. Yes, we have changed or you can say evolved but I think it’ll be a worth read for you.
Ours was a Love marriage full of love and respect. Love still persist but over period of time respect is drying drip by drip. What happens is that when we have been together one of the partners automatically becomes a listener Oh! that never happens, I correct it here, one partner closes door to react whatever noise or fault-findings are done by other partner. So, when one is not overreacting to other comments it creates a pattern where one becomes a fault-finder and other ignores what is being said. Gradually, it becomes a vicious cycle where ones mind blocks whatever is being said by other, this blockage brings repetition of words by other partner as she never got any assertive reaction. So, many words are put in repetition to explain what had just happened … where if the other partner explains or answer nicely the situation there will be very less repetition of blame game. Here, I give you an example, husband for the geyser on after taking a bath and it happens everyday, wife points out he does not react… Then she keeps putting so many words to explain the importance of switching off appliances when not in use, and all the stories of past ignorance also build up and brought forward. Whereas, solution can be when wife points out about the geyser left on, husband can simply reply oh! will take care in future! End of conversation.
And, one point which I mentioned in beginning of this article about you are known by the company you keep; as well proves itself true, when one partner is mostly shouting for every small or big issue – over period of some years it seeps into the behavioural of other partner as well and similar loud reactions are received. Which comes as a jolt.
Another reason that I strongly feel is that we become friends and say out whatever comes in mouth – which needs a big check! This can only be checked by highly respecting the partner. It is very important. The reason for most couple-fights is nothing but lack of respect over period of time! And they just start to live in this disrespecting environment.