It’s true! Men is know by the company he keeps… same is the case here. Today, I’m going to write a confession post of a partner who understood how gradually couples start to shout and yell at each other. And why you are taken for granted over a certain period of marriage.
Especially during this phase of lockdown the vent outs have increased further. There is confinement, work stress, distressed news updates and anxious thoughts about future.
But when I look back at our table talks with friends I see that it had become usual sight that couples sit and complain/pass subtle insults about each other in front of friends though it is casual but it is socially accepted now. Jokes are cracked and now this whole scenario of husband and wife tiffs have become a content of regular mainstream jokes.
It’s just okay if one yells at other and other is poking for one task or other. But have you (couples) ever paused and thought… do you like it? Do you loose your cool when being provoked/poked or this thought never came to you that why we loose our cool most of the times.
I sat down overnight to rewind my marriage of over a decade and brought few points that were worth addressing. Every moment was noted and analysed. Yes, we have changed or you can say evolved but I think it’ll be a worth read for you.
Ours was a Love marriage full of love and respect. Love still persist but over period of time respect is drying drip by drip. What happens is that when we have been together one of the partners automatically becomes a listener Oh! that never happens, I correct it here, one partner closes door to react whatever noise or fault-findings are done by other partner. So, when one is not overreacting to other comments it creates a pattern where one becomes a fault-finder and other ignores what is being said. Gradually, it becomes a vicious cycle where ones mind blocks whatever is being said by other, this blockage brings repetition of words by other partner as she never got any assertive reaction. So, many words are put in repetition to explain what had just happened … where if the other partner explains or answer nicely the situation there will be very less repetition of blame game. Here, I give you an example, husband for the geyser on after taking a bath and it happens everyday, wife points out he does not react… Then she keeps putting so many words to explain the importance of switching off appliances when not in use, and all the stories of past ignorance also build up and brought forward. Whereas, solution can be when wife points out about the geyser left on, husband can simply reply oh! will take care in future! End of conversation.
And, one point which I mentioned in beginning of this article about you are known by the company you keep; as well proves itself true, when one partner is mostly shouting for every small or big issue – over period of some years it seeps into the behavioural of other partner as well and similar loud reactions are received. Which comes as a jolt.
Another reason that I strongly feel is that we become friends and say out whatever comes in mouth – which needs a big check! This can only be checked by highly respecting the partner. It is very important. The reason for most couple-fights is nothing but lack of respect over period of time! And they just start to live in this disrespecting environment.
I feel & hear the dug-dug-dug-dug of this chopper over my head. I dunno why there is a feeling of World War in near future! 🤞
This thought is the result of recent episode towards Jammu & Kashmir. Being an outsider I feel it’s good but I do not know the scenario there… One side as a trivial spectator I feel encroachment in a way and on other side I feel this was the only solution. I pray 🙏for peace to every family in Jammu & Kashmir.
Sharing my experince in Kashmir: People there, whom I met, do not like India or Hindus. They referred Kashmir as another country. My driver was not ready to take us to Holy Shrine of Shankaracharya Temple, and the security system into the temple self explained the hardship army is facing to protect that temple.
On Dal Lake one shikaara guy said “jitna paise ka aid Government ko milta hai, agar usmeise woh log 20% bhi dal ki safai pe laga dein toh bhi kafi hai!” He mentioned this when I said why do people come to Dal Lake when it is so unclean…
So, this might be good as well as bad, god knows but we always pray for peace and happiness to all.
No wonder this is a very small phrase but it holds lot of weightage in life.
Since some last 2 months I’m a happy person and it is possible to these two magically words – Let Go!
After lot of struggle, fights and endless daunting thoughts… now I handle stuff that always slammed my face.
And it happened when this stuff got so worse that there was no room for further discussions. That very time My soul told me let these things go. Kill the past and future, just be in present to enjoy NOW. Now which is beautiful and where I am great by myself.
I found a great companion within myself. The solitude was encouraging and was helpful to take care of myself.
Remember nothing change for always unless you keep putting efforts to maintain it.
Many a times we use so many words to explain our heart but have you ever noticed that these words actually kill your feelings…
Yes, Barthes (or Derrida) right understood the “Death of the Author” and for me … I just understood that they meant words will always kill the intensity of feelings. When we frame words they are influenced by our environment i.e. ethics, how other will feel, our personality, our society, and many more elements which will surely change what ultimately comes out of your pen or mouth.
Nobody apart from you will ever know what is going on inside your mind and heart unless you try to put them in words and words will always fail you…
Relax keep calm and stop making people understand how you feel. Those who are for you will surely know themselves.
Employer… Boss… are the names which are supposed to be hated for any reason . No matter how reasonable one is but their employees will surely find a reason to unlike them….
Today, I was sitting ideal and sipping a cup of coffee while a line of my another friend stroke my mind, he said “You do anything but the employees will never think of you ever when they get an alluring opportunity…” In my case, I argued with words but could not conquer the battle.
That conversation forced me to write this blog as an confession how it feels to be an employer. An employer like us is someone whose world revolve around his employees they are worried about the health, workload, mental state, comfort, happiness, and anything that hits their employees life. We want to spread happiness and it’s a great feeling to be able to provide employment to someone and give them the opportunity to earn a living. We care but we forget that their is only one bond here and that is monetary!
The conversation with my friend started when I discussed how did that day pass… and how one employee of mine, with whom we stood in his thick and thin and many a times we gave money from our own pocket so that he can be out of the trouble, conveyed that he can will leave (not resign) the job… and reason was that he had recently got a hike. This is not this year but a tantrum of every year. Earlier we revised the scale in order to satisfy him as he was doing his duties very nicely. But this year the work quality has been deteriorating… that day the decision was firm! And then there was a long discussion of he encouraging co-worker to leave the job blah… blah…blah!
Not going deep, into the many other incidences, this was an awakening slap on our face and a proof of my friend’s words.
But still somewhere in my heart I do not fully agree with my friend’s quote, but yeah I cannot totally ignore it too.
No matter how successful you may have become in your late twenties and early thirties, but that childhood in the 90s is something that you will always long for. Being a kid in the 90s was fun; it was more than Android and iOS. Playing pittu was favorite pastimes in recess during school hours, while playing cricket or chatting with friends over a game of carom board was the hide out from studies back home. If you are a 90’s Indian Kid, here are twenty-five things that will make you smile and feel nostalgic all the way.
1. Parle-G was a staple diet. It was the first thing you had with a glass of milk, and carried to school.
2. Nothing like the refreshing smell of Nutties! Though, opening its tin foil inside the main box was always a task.
3. A vital part of your school bag arsenal, the Milton water bottles always played a handy role in fights too.
4. We called them PT shoes, aka White Fleet Shoes. When they got dirty, you could get them shinning again with chalk.
5. You’d wait all through the primary days to be able to write with a Reynolds ball pen. And how smooth was it!
6.Popsicles (pipes with flavored ice) was mandatory after school. Cola was my favorite – yours?
7. Those breathtaking stories in the Reader’s Digest are still fresh in the mind.
8. You’d be marked the geek of the class if you walked in with a floppy disk in your hand.
9. The red and black Natraj pencils, and the lovey ad – “Yeh laga sixer, Natraj fir champion.”
10.Mango frooti, Fresh and juicy! That flavor was just so purely fruity.
11. Probably all of us had gotten immune listening to ad – “Washing powder Nirma, Washing powder Nirma, Doodh si safedi, Nirma se aayi.”
12. Available in Red, green, blue orange, and other colors of the rainbow, Parle Poppins was the candy to go to.
13. The sweet chalky cigarette were our way to imitate our adults. The cigarettes were white with a reddish tip.
14. We were obsessed with Mario and contra. Two video games that were our bread and butter in computer labs.
15. The Gold Spot carbonated soft drink that Coke and Pepsi drinkers wouldn’t have even heard of.
16. The non-dust eraser rubbed it clean and also left no dust. It was such a delight!
17. Being in the game parlour, playing Road Fighter Game by inserting a rupee in the ‘insert coin’ slot of the arcade machine.
18. Playing Audio Cassettes with favorite songs on the Walkman was everyone’s favorite thing.
19. You’d spend all your vacations covering your books and notebooks with brown covers and sticking these name stickers on them.
20. GI*JOE toys were your personal army. You’d fight endless battles and win every time you played with that bad guy.
21. Crazy balls were really crazy and we were crazier trying to bounce them off the walls in a closed room. I’ve bruised my eyes many times doing it.
22. These lead replaceable pencils were just so good to write with. But if you missed one of these replaceable leads you were doomed.
23. Fiddling with the TV antenna on rooftop and shouting to confirm the display clarity was something everyone couldn’t do to perfection.
24. There were other games and then there were these glass marbles (Bante).
25.Kodak camera with film rolls. You had to be extra sure before clicking a picture since what you clicked could only be seen when the roll was developed.
26. Who can forget Karur Singh of Chandar Kanta and his favourite dialogue Yakku!!
The Days were bright and sunny
The lives were full and funny
There were no smiles but carefree laughter
The days passed playing and nights slipped into sound slumber
No worries, no pain
At that we had was mere gain
The roads are same
The heart is same
But today what has changed is my Name!